Well I've done 3 master summary sheets for chemistry. I've found a couple of very good chemistry books in the library (along with my physics book hehe) and thats really helping. At the moment we are doing complex charbohydrate chemistry which I am sort of getting (shock horror me getting chemistry!) I didn't know that there was so many isomers of carbohydrates. There is soooo much detail. The thing I learnt today is how to tell what area in a sugar is more likely to undergo nucleophilc attack - the area with free electrons! We also had a look at the chemical structure of DNA & RNA and I'm glad we done all that kerfuffle before hand because now I really understand the components of DNA. Before, I would look at a molecule of DNA and be able to say it was DNA but I had no idea what it was made up of or, how the cell manages to make it. However, the lecturer was going so fast that I have huge gaps on my notes that I should fill in now while I think about it.

and now I have the hiccups >_<

Also, there is a HSFY seminar tommrrow about what to do about next semester because if I fail chemistry and physics this year I'm going to drop out of HSFY and do something else. Because I can't get into any professional programmes with 2 fails and I can't get into BIOC192 when I failed the prequisiste CHEM191. They are speakers from all departments including Law. I though about Law you know but I'm not sure if I'd be any good at it. To me they seem like paper pushers. However, I can do Japanese (which I was quite good at in high school and I still remember quite a bit) and I could work for the Government. I still like Science though but because it draws on heaps of previous knowlege I feel I'm at bit of a disadvantage having not done much science at high school.

My friend Megan who studied NDS with me and who is currently in her 2nd year of Medical Lab Science at Massey wants to go back to UCOL and do nursing. Something that I too have been considering. Mum is a nurse after all and they get paid way more than a medical lab scientist and 20k less that a house surgon (something Doctors are  called just after they graduate) however, I want to graduate from a University. It seems ironic that Med Lab Sci is a selective 4 year degree and they get paid less than nurses. But I still like science...

I was also thinking about post graduate study. To go into research in science you normally need a PhD (something a certain someone well all know knows heaps about ) and since I will proberly be a C student (yeah I know Cs get degrees but thats not the point) I won't be able to get into Honours (thus go from honours to a PhD) & will have to go the long way. Ie Bachelors->Masters->doctorate. But I'm not even sure I want to go into research anymore.

I've been having huge pangs of home sickness lately. I miss my mum and I miss being in Feilding (never though I'd say that) and I miss comfterable surroundings. Maybe it's just because it's my first year and out lectures are sooo big (1864 students taking CELS191) that it's hard to get to know anyone. At UCOL there was 20 people doing NDS which was great because you knew everyone and they knew you. Same with your lecturers you knew them and they knew you. However, the lectures at UCOL were 2-3hours long so you could cover a weeks worth of work in 2days. Thats why I think I didn't want to finish it the lectures got boring in the end and I just stopped going.

CELS191=21.5/60 average mark=32/60
CHEM191=12/30=30%
You know there seems to be a trend in this year group with people FAILING. I'm courious to note if it is just this year and if it is, has anything changed from other years or if it isn't what the hell is going on. Most people I've spoken to want to get into medical school and a median mark of that when most people need 70%+ isn't good enough.  I don't know if I'm ever going to get into medical school at this stage. I studied so damn hard for chemistry however, if the unfortunate does happen then I'm going to probably do a BSc in Anatomy or BBMedSci. You know I need to pass chemistry to get into BIOC192 next semester. I'm so annoyed right now it's like I'm trying and it's just not getting me anywhere.

I went to the capping show last night. Was completely awesome! and since yesterday was opening night we had the famous capping battle. Our poor HUBS lectuer had them in all her lectures, she did not look impressed when they came in the 2nd time in 5mins and I've got it all on video. It's pretty shit quality though as it was off my phone.

I was planning to relax and do nothing at all but when I realised that my final exams are in early June I decided that it might be adventageous to study. Especially after the train wreck that was my physics exam. I must have guessed about 3/4 of it. I only worked out about 2 questions. I had 5 questions to go at 5mins T_T. Anywho what I need to get done next week is:

1. Write 3 sets of lecture notes for HUBS
2. STUDY STUDY STUDY for my CHEM exam on May 5
3. Find some questions in Urone to do with pressure and flow rate (I knew this would happen but the one thing I'm COMPLETELY lost with in physics is what most of our terms test was on)
4. Summarise this terms lectures onto 1 bit of paper for all lectures.
5. Find relevant questions in textbooks to do with concepts. It sucks because the professor who look our last module only had references to the textbook they used last year and not to the one that was essential this year.
6. Finish the first half of my CELS self-directed learning booklet
7. Complete the first 1/3 of my HUBS self-directed learning booklet

We are allowed study sheets into our physics exam and my got hot chocolate spilt on it about 20mins before the exam started. I knew I was doomed from the beginning.

So, to get all this done I intend to be awake, up and alive before midday so that I can sit down to work before 1pm and then go to what ever time early the next morning. I'm a night person

Only at Otago do you get boys in tutus dancing through your physics lecture

Because I am a good student, I am in my favourite C.A.L studying chemistry of all gods-forsaken things on this earth. There is something that I'm have a bit of issues with (when am I not when it comes to chemistry?!) so I'm only wileyPLUS doing some exercises and seeing if I can try to get my head around this thing they call rate law. I'm getting quite serious about studyng and I found this interesting method of studing, which I am going to try out.

In other news, I passed the HSFY english diagnostic which means I don't have to do ENGL126 and I am instead going to take RELS101 a rather interesting paper I think. I was thinking about doing a Politics one, but, I just so happen to be interested in the history of religion and how those belifes came about.

I really should go to my 8am HUBS lectures on a thurs/friday... it's getting really interesting now! Last week we were learning about the nervous system and how an electrial impulse is transmitted down an axon and how the neurotransmitters work in a synapse.

It is almost the holidays.

CELS191 terms test on Saturday! At least I know where the HELL i'm supposed to be going. Not some weird place by the hospital. (My HUBS terms test was in Barnett lecture theature which is IN dunedin public hospital) it's real odd. Anyways, this test is in Castle 2, which I incidentaly have HUBS 3 days a week so I don't have to look around for it before hand.

Wish me luck?

There is just so much stuff going on at the moment, some of it I can't even get my head past. Today I was sitting in phsi191 (bored as hell btw) and I didn't hear most of that lecture because I was so preoccupied. My life is just so... complicated!

I was also thinking today about how my mum laughted when I told her I wanted to be a doctor. Honestly, LAUGHED down the phone at me. She said I'd make a terriable doctor because I hate people and that I don't have the empathy. Sometimes I wish that she'd just take a really good look at me and see me for who I know I am, instead of what she wants/thinks. She also said that she'd rather see me a scientist *sigh* anyways I was thinking about that today and how she was wrong, I just expect high standards from the people that I know/love and I get annoyed when they don't meet them.

My first offical university test was on Saturday and it was good! Not as hard as I'm used to. I'm expecting at least a pass. However, the HUBS questions are all really odd! Like, the first question was on The Human Tissues Act 1964. It's relevant because we are the only 1st years in the whole university that are allowed access to REAL human body parts and to the anatomy museam, but it was a curly question! To me that test seemed REALLY basic, like none of the complexity that we are learning about. I think it should have been longer with harder questions. I felt like all my study was for nothing. Hahaha who says that.

Well should get back to my chemistry study. I'm so tired.

Now as I sit here in Richardson CAL I feel as if my dreams of being a doctor are slowly but surely running away. I can see it now several meters in front of me, laughing. I say this because I had my physics lab last week and what a fucking pain in the ass that was. At the end of our "experiment" we were given a sheet of questions to answer. I couldn't even answer the first one and I am just getting so frustrated because I'm just not getting it! The same is true of Chemistry and the labs in that class. The stupid fucking test that we have to sit and the end of our labs is worth 15% of our final mark. And of course if you don't really get it (like I don't really get it) you don't really have a chance to cement it in your mind. Last lab, I got 2 out of 6 questions. Thats not even a bloody pass!!!

It's just annoying. I feel like it's going in one ear and out the other and I'm not exactly sure what to do about it. I study most nights for 4 hours, I read the textbook and do the questions but it still dosn't help. CELS and HUBS on the other hand are fine! I'm loving it! I think the moment you start mentioning numbers and formulae and rearraging and what not I freak out. Like, not even a little freak out but a massive panic attack. It also dosn't help not having the internet at our house - yet. Because I need both access to blackboard and my textbooks simultaneously. I am NOT lugging my 4 textbooks to University. It's too far and they are way to heavy. Getting them home from the University Bookshop was mission enough and I almost broke my back doing so.

Fuck my life

Lectures start on monday and I couldn't be more excited! The only thing that sucks about my timetable is that I have PHYSICS lab from 5-8pm on a Wednesday. I need to attend every lab in order to get enough terms to sit my final exams or something like that. I'm not actually sure what a term is... I shall check it out. One thing that I'm annoyed about is having to buy my own labcoat. $35 thank you very much, and before my first HUBS lab on Weds. I suppose at least no one else is going to use the only size 4 lab coat (like what happened at UCOL) and I get stuck with a giant size 12 which came down to my feet and I had to roll the sleeves about 8times just so I could use my hands...

So my timetable is thus:
Monday
11am-Midday CELS191
1pm-2pm PHYS191
5pm-6pm HUBS191
2pm-5pm every 2nd Monday CHEM191 lab

Tuesday
11am - Midday CELS191
1pm-2pm PHYS191
5pm-6pm CHEM191
2pm-5pm every 2nd tuesday CELS191 lab

Wednesday
9am-10pm CHEM191
1pm-2pm HUBS191
2pm-5pm every 2nd Wednesday HUBS191 lab
5pm-8pm every other Wednesday PHYS191 lab

Thursday
8am-9am HUBS191
11am-Midday CELS191
1pm-2pm PHYS191
5pm-6pm CHEM191

Friday
Same as Thursday