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Previous Pole Results:
Lost in Translation 4
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2
Hero 1
Haven't seen any of these... 1
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Cypher
House of Sand and Fog
I haven't seen enough of these to know |
Jokes |
Posted 27 July 2005:
Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
I reckon he's an accountant. No way - he's a stockbroker.
He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder ...Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!
Oh! What's that then?
I'll try to explain by example ...Do you have a goldfish at home?
Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
It's in a pond!
Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!
Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!
Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Yep! Four nights a week!
Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Me? Never
Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
How's that then?
Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.
I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Yep! He's a logical scientist!
What's that then?
I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Nope
Well then, you're a wanker. |
Word a Day |
A word a day keeps the dictionary away.
Posted 8 Dec 2004:
BELLICOSE
If something is bellicose it is warlike in manner or temperament. |
BlogShares |
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2 May 2008
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"It's your last day!"
Friday 2 May 2008 - 8.40am
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I thought  leash's entry led on quite nicely to an entry I'd been meaning to do for several days regarding musings on the use of the english language. As Leash alluded to in her entry, people have a knack for stating the obvious in an exciting, thoughtful way, despite the fact you obviously (and that's an understatement) know the answer already. As well as her example of "It's your last day!", I have recently been subject to the "You had a hair cut!" treatment. This got me to thinking. Now, the manner in which it is stated would in reality require greater than the single exclamation mark I have used for illustrative purposes in the above two examples. Yet all the person is doing is making a statement, and a boring and obvious one at that. It is for that reason I have decided to in future refer to all such remarks as "exclements" - the 'excla-mation' of something which requires none, and should indeed just be a 'state-ment'. If you can't see where I got exclament from the above quite indiscreet typing, I'm not going to bother explaining it. So, what do you do when faced with an exclament? My responses have generally fallen into 3 catergories, dependant on both the asker, and the level of energy I possess at the time of the asking. I will use my recent experience with "You got a hair cut!" as an example; Response 1: the sarcastic response - "Really? I didn't notice, your powers of observation astound me." Response 2: the joking response - "Yeah, it came as a surprise to me to - I just woke up and it had all fallen out!" Response 3: the I-don't-feel-like-talking response - "Yep." Seriously, people, don't share your exclament! It's half an exclamation, half a statement, but it's all crap! That's all for this time round, but don't worry, I have more... much, much more... Cheers Simon Mood: None entered
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15 April 2008
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bOring, with a capital O! ('cause the bee was busy...)
Tuesday 15 April 2008 - 8.03pm
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I is lamenting over the sad state of the Journals... Join me!
How be it so differing from a time not so long passeth?
*Reminisces back a few years* (That's a few years back that I was reminiscing about, not reminsicing about an undefined time, for a few years...)
Now, admittedly, I did indeed miss a large era in the world of the Journals, but I still did see a lot more interesting times than this site now doth offer. Not to detract from those of us that do write entries (although, I find my entries both infrequent and uninteresting on the whole) but I think the main cause of the lack of journal-tastic goodness is... well... the fact that those of us that do write entries, can be defined as such. That all those who once wrote, no longer leave evidence of their real-world lives on this pseudo social network for the others of us to enjoy. If you get what I mean. Not that you would; hell, I don't. I guess what I'm getting at, is that I'm lamenting the old-agedness that many of our journals, once so youthful and energetic, are now displaying, evident in their lethargy and inactivity, and the fact that when they do tell tales you find them boring and uninteresting, yet feel the need to read, and oftentimes, comment, merely because they were once one of the youthful and respected members of this society, and don't have the heart to tell them "Yo bitches, y'all is bOring!".
So, that's why I've initiated a 12-step plan which will bring our beloved Journals back up to scratch!
...
Unfortunately I've only come up with step 1 so far... and that's to come up with 11 more steps on how to improve the up-to-scratchedness of the journals... ideas and/or suggestions are more than welcome.
Well, I think it safe to say "I make no sense!"
Mood: None entered
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2 April 2008
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Word
Wednesday 2 April 2008 - 5.13pm
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1- Where is your cell phone?
Pocket 2- Your hair? Grey 3- Work? Necessary 4- Your father? Teacher
5- your favourite thing? Creativity
6- your dream last night? Forgotten 7- your favourite drink? Juice 8- your dream car? Automated
9- The room you are in? Office 10- your fears? Mediocrity 11- What do you want to be in 10 years? Screenwriter 12- Who did you hang out with last night? Leashy 13- What you are not good at? Sports 14- Muffin? Chocolate 15- One of your wish list items? Camcorder 16- Where did you grow up? Palmy 17- Last thing you did? Work 18- What are you wearing? Clothes 19- What aren't you wearing? Stilettos 20- Your pets? Nonexistent 21- your computer? Writing 22- Your life? Leashy  23- Your mood? Tired 24- Missing? Leashy 25- what are you thinking about right now? Leashy 26- Your car? Toy 27- Your summer? Busy
28- your relationship status? **huggles** 29- your favourite colour? Teal 30- When was the last time you laughed with meaning? Today 31- last time you cried? Unsure 32- school? Finished 33- least favourite weather? Hot 34- soup? Meat 35- movie? Definately!
Mood: None entered
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16 March 2008
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Penis.
Sunday 16 March 2008 - 9.30pm
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Mood: Penis
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8 February 2008
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P
Friday 8 February 2008 - 12.57pm
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Is it me, or when you see a lone capital 'P', do you think to yourself "Huh, that emoticon has no eyes... oh... wait... it's just a P."????
Mood: None entered
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7 February 2008
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Hello slightly modified goals!
Thursday 7 February 2008 - 11.13pm
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Well, after a little deliberation I have 'slightly altered' my goals for the year - they have not changed, and I do not need to change them, they still stand, however, in respect to finishing Dixon Court, this has become lower priority than writing spec screenplays and submitting them to potential agents. After careful consideration and (finally) thinking logically, I have realised how obvious it is that the path of least resistance to getting into the movie industry will be to write, write, and write some more.
Now, when I say least resistance, I obviously mean comparatively to my initial idea of making the first episode of Dixon Court to completion just to try and get my foot in the door... it will still be ridiculously hard, but I have full confidence that I will make it, be it this year, next year, or the year after!
I will continue to write, continue to develop ideas (I currently have 20+ ideas, of which around 4 are close to being ready to write the first draft of the screen play, half a dozen have the basic plot line, and the rest are just a premise or idea that I think would be fun to play with) and continue to send my treatments and/or scripts in to agents until one of them accepts me, and then continue until one of my movies get made.
Finding an agent here, though, could be another problem - after many hours spent googling (thank-you, downtime at work) it appears there are only a dozen literary agents in little ol' NZ, and only half of them deal with screenplays... But moving to Aussie in a year can only help me on that front, as there will be a lot more there, I'm sure (though I haven't looked yet). And the great thing about writing is, I don't care where I am when I do it! All I need is my pen, paper, and imagination (and, in the latter stages, a computer or lap-top would be useful). Some producers and production companies require you to be within a reasonable proximity if you want to work with them, but there are plenty who don't require that. That said, I'm pretty flexible about moving, and I'm sure Leash will be too (all we know is we want to go to Aussie, at least for a while).
Well, that was an odd ramble...
But as they say, if you never have any dreams, they can't come true.
Mood: None entered
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3 February 2008
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Juno
Sunday 3 February 2008 - 9.44pm
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Go SEE it! Leash and I saw this at the cinema on Friday night, and I have to agree that the reviews are right... I hate that.
Okay, a little contradictory, I know, but don't you hate when someone is good at something from the get-go? Diablo Cody was a stripper. She enjoyed writing, so had a blog somewhere, which had a lot of fans, and then some movie producer asked her if she had any scripts he could look at... She didn't.
For a while, at least.
Then she thought of Juno... her first script, she writes it and they make it into a movie. (Virtually shooting from her first draft! Almost unheard of in "the biz", or so I've read.) It gets awesome reviews and then, to top it all off, she gets nominated for an Oscar. Whether she wins or not, it's the sort of success story that makes people who have been, and will be, trying for ages to break into screenwriting, Extremely Annoyed.
Granted, I haven't actually written any screenplays (just many, many ideas jotted down), so it could still happen for me - aside from the part about being a stripper before hand - but I'm not stupid, I realise that's (almost certainly) not going to happen. I'm prepared to write dozens, even hundreds, of spec scripts if that's what's needed to get one made into a film, but there'll always be a part of me that hates people like her, not for who she is, but for the ridiculously fairytale-esque success story that will forever more accompany the name 'Diablo Cody'.
Sure, a little over-dramatic, but what the hell. It can only aid in my determination, right?
Oh, and by the way, I know you're probably wondering why I don't start writing some scripts (the odds of getting them made into films would then definately increase) but I've told myself I'll finish episode one of Dixon Court first. (Read previous entries if you don't know what that is.) But that's aiming for completion during the third quarter of the year, and as soon as I finish that I'll start writing my ass off! I have at least a dozen different movie ideas in my head at (and jotten down in my ideas book) at the moment - and that's just the ones that come to me when I'm not trying to think of any!
Okays, enough rambling. Off to bed. Night all.
Mood: None entered
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27 January 2008
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I'm a Pro-Bowler!
Sunday 27 January 2008 - 8.57am
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On my new toy that is! Leash and I had been talking about getting me a Nintendo Wii, cause both my brothers have one and I enjoy playing them, so without telling me, she went and got one! ! Comes default with Wii Sports, and I'm looking now for more games to get (there's a mini golf-based one released in Feb sometime I might save up for - looks like fun! And maybe a Tiger Woods golf game (I have an older one for PS2, but probably a sight better for me to play it on the Wii  ) Cheerios! Mood: None entered
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23 January 2008
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R.I.P Heath
Wednesday 23 January 2008 - 2.15pm
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I'm sure most of you have heard about Heath Ledger by now.
At first it seemed it was a suicide, but apparently it appears more likely it was a combination of sleeping pills to deal with insomnia (caused by how screwed up his character was in the new Batman film), strong pain killers to help with his chronic back pain, and apparently he was also suffering from pnemonia at the time.
I admired him as an actor, and he always seemed like a "decent guy" as far as what the media showed.
But most of all, I feel extremely sorry for his family. His parents found out through the internet (or it might have been tv) that he was dead. The news was bouncing around the globe within an hour and a half of his body being discovered. Disgraceful. And for his little girl to grow up with this sort of shroud over her life, as if growing up without her Dad wasn't bad enough.
...
And on a side note, not to detract from the above, can Terry Gilliam ever catch a break? Heath was filming a movie with Terry at the time (apparently they had wrapped filming in London, but still had another shoot to complete in Canada). The film will now either need to be scrapped, heavily re-shot, or potentially heavily re-written (depending on how many of Heath's scenes were left to be done).
Mood: None entered
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22 January 2008
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Journal-versary
Tuesday 22 January 2008 - 10.11pm
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Well, as Chrissy has mentioned - that's 5 years ago today I first created my profile here at Jubby's! and 2 hours ago (and five years) I made my first entry! Wowsa!
So yeah, anyhoo... Other stuff...
Going to see Sweeney Todd on Friday! Uber-excited! I soo can't wait for to see it!
Anyways, gotta go - back to doing dishes and animation.
Mood: None entered
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