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I haven't seen enough of these to know
|Posted 27 July 2005:
Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
I reckon he's an accountant. No way - he's a stockbroker.
He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder ...Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!
Oh! What's that then?
I'll try to explain by example ...Do you have a goldfish at home?
Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
It's in a pond!
Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
As it happens I've got a five bedroom house... built it myself!
Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children!
Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Yep! Four nights a week!
Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
How's that then?
Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and your sex life!
I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Chris returns to his mate.
I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Yep! He's a logical scientist!
What's that then?
I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Well then, you're a wanker.
Word a Day
|A word a day keeps the dictionary away.
Posted 8 Dec 2004:
If something is bellicose it is warlike in manner or temperament.
8 September 2009
Me too! Me too!
Well, if everyone else is...
Leash and I have been in Sydney for five months now. Three of those I've been working at Tabcorp. But I just had an interview with the ASX today, and two different people from there are seeing me on Thursday. There's two different roles, and they're looking at me for both. Fingers crossed I'll get one of them.
And now, I just want to share what I did this morning. Two things happened.
Secondly - and, yes, I'm deliberately working backwards - I bought a simple black suit, on sale for $99. Looks pretty decent, from Lowes. I figured I should get one to help with the first impression with the ASX. I walked up, there was a specials rack. Black suit. Tried on a size 40 jacket. Looked good. Said I'll take it. Walked out with a suit. They guy was like "do you want to look around a little? See if there's anything else you like?" I was like "no, this is fine". I was in the store for all of about 5 minutes, most of which was at the counter paying for the suit
And firstly, I went and grabbed a macca's bacon and egg mcmuffin for breakfast, and I was sitting there eating it, when this girl a bit down the food court just collapsed off her chair. I only saw it out of the corner of my eye, and thought it was just some kid playing around, but then when I looked over there I saw her just lying on the ground. So anyways, I got up and went over there, and as I went over there I walked past no less than 8 or 9 people - none of whom bothered to even get up?! Maybe they didn't notice, but I find it unlikely all
off them failed to notice? So I get over there, and ask this older lady sitting a few tables down to grab a security guard, or anyone.
So now I'm kneeling next to this collapsed girl, who seems to be having some kind of fit, shaking and all that, but of course I don't know anything about first aid, so I just check and make sure she's breathing and has a pulse, but all the while I'm thinking "I have no idea what I would do if she wasn't breathing, or didn't have a pulse". Anyways, the security guard came over and called another guy on his little radio thingy, and they started looking to this girl - mid twenties, I'd guess, but she was asian, and I'm not a good judge of the age of asian peoples. After about ten minutes this other girl showed up, who said she was her friend, and told everyone that this "happens all the time". But apparently it wasn't epilepsy, just some random fit/seizure thing.
Anyways, the point of the story is, I was amazed that no one else cared that this girl collapsed in the middle of the food court, they just continued eating their breakfasts. I actually asked this other woman to get a security guard before I asked the older woman, and all the first woman did was bring the girl's cell phone over, which she dropped when she collapsed. Yeah, that's real useful. This girl collapsed, and you're bringing her cellphone back?! That, and I really should do a first aid course, so I at least have some idea of what to do in that sort of situation.
On another note, I got a graphics tablet for my birthday; I'm mucking around with little animations and things, with the intention of getting to a point I can work on the webisodes I want to make.
Mood: None entered
2 September 2008
8 out of 10 - it's still a pass.
Firstly, this is almost a waste of time, since any music I listen to is either a) the same great songs time and time again, or b) Leash's music. but anyways... skipping two of the questions...
1. What was the most recent album you bought? Is it any good?
Leash (and me... sorta!) got Flight of the Conchords - brilliant stuff. Was a short while after buying the DVD of Season One. We quote it all the time, and keep singing little snippets of their songs... I think that counts as good.
2. You have one song to impress the crowd on Singstar. Assuming you can pick any relatively famous song to wow the audience, what would it be?
Actual SingStar songs; I'd probably go for Father and Son. Any song; if I didn't care whether I was any good, I'd go for Queen - You're My Best Friend.
3. Name one artist that you were very late in discovering – but you really are pleased you gave a go/found out about.
I think Crowded House would fit that description - I didn't really know much of them at all until I got to 5th form music, and people were talking about them... Sad eh? I blame my parents.
4. You can invite five people around for one of those fantasy dinners. They all have to be musicians (dead or alive). Who do you choose?
Let's start with Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords) and definately Danny Elfman (film/television composer), cause I want to make a movie with those three one day. I'd probably then get Don Henley (Eagles). And to round it off, maybe Barry Gibb? (Bee Gees).
5. What is your favourite TV theme from the past? And your favourite current one?
I've always loved Friends, and I guess that'd count as past? I don't watch so much TV these days - it's all on DVD. But I guess I do like CSI's Who Are You by the Who.
6. What is the one band that has yet to reunite that you would be interested in hearing again?
The impossible Queen or Beatles.
7. You have been given free tickets that you have to use. Only problem (if it is a problem) is you have a choice of seeing Westlife, Celine Dion or Crazy Frog. What do you choose and why?
I'd probably go see Westlife - cause I'd take Leash and I imagine she'd prefer them!
8. If you could make one current musician “disappear” – no questions asked – who would it be?
I can't really say - there are plenty I dislike, but none I dislike to the extent that I'd want to prevent others from hearing them? Maybe... I might change that opinion if I hear James Blunt screaming that some girl's beautiful again...
Mood: None entered
13 June 2008
Last night, while watching biggest Loser (I haven't watched it all the way through, I like to cheat and just watch the finale) and being amazed at the transformations these people go through, I got to thinking - where are the celebrities encouraging "healthy lifestyles"?
We have celebrities endorsing PETA, celebrities endorsing Peace, endorsing this, endorsing that - but what about endorsing people improving themselves?!
Now, as leash
mentioned last night when I was rambling about this, there are a few that do "exercise programs", yoga, pilates, or whatever, and of course Chuck Norris with his Bowflex, or whatever it is?
But they aren't endorsing healthy lifestyle, just trying to make a few dollars.
Why is this? Is that because there aren't organisations out there seeking celebrity endorsement? Or because these organisations don't exist? Or what? I'd guess that if organisations like this did exist, that they'd be more government-funded style ones, so maybe the endorsements are just local, and the rugby players and olympians we get encouraging "lamb and beef" and "30 minutes a day" are it for us, because we're a smaller nation? If there's anyone overseas reading this - do you get much in the way of celebrities encouraging healthy/active lifestyles? I'd be interested to know...
But at any rate, it seems sad that people can exist in the sort of state they do now - and it's not just their fault, society is far too accepting. When someone weighs too much to get out of bed of their own accord - maybe you should STOP BRINGING THEM BUCKETS AND BUCKETS OF FRIED CHICKEN TO EAT??!?!?!?!
Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with not being "slim" - in fact, it's arguable that there's something wrong with actually being
too slim. But we all know that. I just think everyone should be healthy - when your weight and lack of fitness is at the point like those people started biggest loser, then there's something wrong - and more often that not it's your entire lifestyle! Lack of activity and too much unhealthy food - both are required to reach those sort of levels!
Now, granted, I was only ever "pushing 110kg" at my maximum, nothing like the ~180kg top of the weight range on Biggest Loser, but seeing that weight on the scales made me stop and think "whoah, something has to change. I
have to change." But that 'this is not acceptable' mentality seems to be extremely lacking in this society - and those people that do reach it, they're so far gone they don't feel they have the strength left to do anything about it.
But anyways, my point was suppsed to be this - society needs to change it's views about obesity; we need to make everyone
realise it's NOT okay, and actually encourage and help those that are stuggling with it. Everyone always agrees "it's not okay", that's the easy bit. But there's not enough support and encouragement to those that need it.
And that's where celebrity endorsement should come in.
Wow. A lot longer than I expected it to be.
Mood: None entered
5 June 2008
As I sit here lamenting...
In advance for the day that will soon come to pass, I ponder what I will do this evening, now that I won't have to spend it lamenting.
That sentence seems rather circular in retrospect.
Why am I writing? That's a good question, but don't ask it, I have no answer.
I sit here, at this desk, surrounded by my work-"mates" who so constantly seem to get on my nerves. The two people whose company I actually enjoy are distanced by the fact one works down the other end of our floor area and the other is very casual part-time. (Bec's and Dan, respectively, for those of you who may know any of the people I work with... i.e. leash
Every day, I come to work, dreading the day that will follow the relatively ambivalent first half hour (read: I have nothing I need to do, and those things I should do I neglect in favour of savouring the few moments of having nothing I need to do). When I sit at my desk, it re-encourages me to write my screenplays, to animate my webisodes, to do anything and everything on my writing/animation projects list.
But then work starts.
The first few hours aren't so bad; it's a new day, I have a decent amount of energy - although this often requires a morning caffeine fix in the form of Lift Plus or Mountain Dew - and I think a lot about my writing and things while I work.
Then the day begins to drag.
Sure, if I'm lucky, I get an hour for lunch.
And then the day continues to drag.
Drag a lot.
And the worst part of this?
When I finally get to leave, albeit later than I'm paid for, nine times out of ten, I'm so drained that when I get home I have no energy left to focus on the projects I was so ready to attack that morning, the very projects that will get me out of this job and into a line of work I know
I will end up in.
That's why it takes so long to write.
Not because I don't want to, but because the main motivator I have, also becomes the main hurdle to overcome to having enough energy to focus. Does that make sense?
But to end on a positive note; I've finished my first screenplay!
Sort of... I've finished the second draft, at least.
I'm working towards the third draft at the moment. Being the first actual screenplay I've finished, it seems strange to have it at a point where I could, in theory, be sending it off to agents, but I want to work on it more. Which gets me to wondering; will it ever get to a point where I feel it's ready? Or will I simply end up thinking "Okay, I've spent enough time on this now, so I'll send it off and focus on my next project."
But at any rate, I'm starting to feel like a writer now. Before, I was some guy who wanted to be a writer. But in finishing it, even though the only people who have read it are my parents and sister, I feel a sense of accomplishment. (I had written a teleplay for the first episode of Dixon Court, and a 6 page script for an animated webisode I am going to make, but this was the first actual screenplay.)
Speaking of who's read it; if anyone out there wants to give it a read (it's 82 pages after the second draft, though this may increase after the third; I have some points which need fleshing out), then flick me an email or leave a comment - any feedback is greatly appreciated! (Of course, you'll have to agree not to let anyone else read the screenplay, or discuss it with them, without checking with me, and making sure they agree the same... I can't let it get out too much...)
I've set a personal goal of finishing this by the end of June - I was talking to my little sister Hannah when we went to Auckland for my Uncle's funeral in January, and to keep her from being distracted I "led her thoughts" to a point where she had a semi-story line. I took it from there and this screenplay was the result. So six months, while working full-time and also dabbling with other projects, seems like a decent time-frame for my first script!
Then all I'll need to do will be to choose any one of the 30 or 40 other ideas I have listed at home to make into my second script (although I might take a short break between the two screenplays to work on my animation or something. Depends how I feel.)
Well, this has become rather a novel; and once again I feel motivated to write... Oh work day, how I loathe thee.
Mood: None entered
2 May 2008
"It's your last day!"
I thought leash
's entry led on quite nicely to an entry I'd been meaning to do for several days regarding musings on the use of the english language.
As Leash alluded to in her entry, people have a knack for stating the obvious in an exciting, thoughtful way, despite the fact you obviously (and that's an understatement) know the answer already. As well as her example of "It's your last day!", I have recently been subject to the "You had a hair cut!" treatment. This got me to thinking.
Now, the manner in which it is stated would in reality require greater than the single exclamation mark I have used for illustrative purposes in the above two examples. Yet all the person is doing is making a statement, and a boring and obvious one at that. It is for that reason I have decided to in future refer to all such remarks as "exclements" - the 'excla-mation' of something which requires none, and should indeed just be a 'state-ment'. If you can't see where I got exclament from the above quite indiscreet typing, I'm not going to bother explaining it.
So, what do you do when faced with an exclament? My responses have generally fallen into 3 catergories, dependant on both the asker, and the level of energy I possess at the time of the asking. I will use my recent experience with "You got a hair cut!" as an example;
Response 1: the sarcastic response - "Really? I didn't notice, your powers of observation astound me."
Response 2: the joking response - "Yeah, it came as a surprise to me to - I just woke up and it had all fallen out!"
Response 3: the I-don't-feel-like-talking response - "Yep."
Seriously, people, don't share your exclament! It's half an exclamation, half a statement, but it's all crap!
That's all for this time round, but don't worry, I have more... much, much more...
Mood: None entered
15 April 2008
bOring, with a capital O! ('cause the bee was busy...)
I is lamenting over the sad state of the Journals... Join me!
How be it so differing from a time not so long passeth?
*Reminisces back a few years* (That's a few years back that I was reminiscing about, not reminsicing about an undefined time, for a few years...)
Now, admittedly, I did indeed miss a large era in the world of the Journals, but I still did see a lot more interesting times than this site now doth offer. Not to detract from those of us that do write entries (although, I find my entries both infrequent and uninteresting on the whole) but I think the main cause of the lack of journal-tastic goodness is... well... the fact that those of us that do write entries, can be defined as such. That all those who once wrote, no longer leave evidence of their real-world lives on this pseudo social network for the others of us to enjoy. If you get what I mean. Not that you would; hell, I don't. I guess what I'm getting at, is that I'm lamenting the old-agedness that many of our journals, once so youthful and energetic, are now displaying, evident in their lethargy and inactivity, and the fact that when they do tell tales you find them boring and uninteresting, yet feel the need to read, and oftentimes, comment, merely because they were once one of the youthful and respected members of this society, and don't have the heart to tell them "Yo bitches, y'all is bOring!".
So, that's why I've initiated a 12-step plan which will bring our beloved Journals back up to scratch!
Unfortunately I've only come up with step 1 so far... and that's to come up with 11 more steps on how to improve the up-to-scratchedness of the journals... ideas and/or suggestions are more than welcome.
Well, I think it safe to say "I make no sense!"
Mood: None entered
2 April 2008
|1- Where is your cell phone?
Pocket2- Your hair?
Necessary4- Your father?
5- your favourite thing?
6- your dream last night
Forgotten 7- your favourite drink?
Juice 8- your dream car?
9- The room you are in?
Office10- your fears?
Mediocrity 11- What do you want to be in 10 years?
Screenwriter12- Who did you hang out with last night?
Leashy 13- What you are not good at?
Chocolate15- One of your wish list items?
Camcorder 16- Where did you grow up?
Palmy17- Last thing you did?
Work18- What are you wearing?
Clothes 19- What aren't you wearing?
Stilettos20- Your pets?
Nonexistent21- your computer?
Writing 22- Your life?
Leashy 23- Your mood?
Tired 24- Missing?
Leashy25- what are you thinking about right now?
Leashy 26- Your car?
Toy 27- Your summer?
28- your relationship status?
**huggles** 29- your favourite colour?
Teal30- When was the last time you laughed with meaning?
Today31- last time you cried?
Unsure 32- school?
Finished 33- least favourite weather?
Hot 34- soup?
Meat 35- movie?
Mood: None entered
16 March 2008
8 February 2008
Is it me, or when you see a lone capital 'P', do you think to yourself "Huh, that emoticon has no eyes... oh... wait... it's just a P."????
Mood: None entered
7 February 2008
Hello slightly modified goals!
Well, after a little deliberation I have 'slightly altered' my goals for the year - they have not changed, and I do not need to change them, they still stand, however, in respect to finishing Dixon Court, this has become lower priority than writing spec screenplays and submitting them to potential agents. After careful consideration and (finally) thinking logically, I have realised how obvious it is that the path of least resistance to getting into the movie industry will be to write, write, and write some more.
Now, when I say least resistance, I obviously mean comparatively to my initial idea of making the first episode of Dixon Court to completion just to try and get my foot in the door... it will still be ridiculously hard, but I have full confidence that I will make it, be it this year, next year, or the year after!
I will continue to write, continue to develop ideas (I currently have 20+ ideas, of which around 4 are close to being ready to write the first draft of the screen play, half a dozen have the basic plot line, and the rest are just a premise or idea that I think would be fun to play with) and continue to send my treatments and/or scripts in to agents until one of them accepts me, and then continue until one of my movies get made.
Finding an agent here, though, could be another problem - after many hours spent googling (thank-you, downtime at work) it appears there are only a dozen literary agents in little ol' NZ, and only half of them deal with screenplays... But moving to Aussie in a year can only help me on that front, as there will be a lot more there, I'm sure (though I haven't looked yet). And the great thing about writing is, I don't care where I am when I do it! All I need is my pen, paper, and imagination (and, in the latter stages, a computer or lap-top would be useful). Some producers and production companies require you to be within a reasonable proximity if you want to work with them, but there are plenty who don't require that. That said, I'm pretty flexible about moving, and I'm sure Leash will be too (all we know is we want to go to Aussie, at least for a while).
Well, that was an odd ramble...
But as they say, if you never have any dreams, they can't come true.
Mood: None entered
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- No entries yet; why not write one?